Having twins, triplets or even more brings challenges as well as joy to new mums and dads. Ruth Meech finds out how one cluster of multiple-birth families in Dorset support each other through the highs, lows and day-to-day situations
The scene at Broadmayne Children’s Centre is one of primary-coloured chaos.
A gaggle of small children are making merry with a selection of soft-play shapes, jingling chimes and wooden numbers.
In one corner a little girl is solemnly inserting a coloured pencil into her left nostril until it is gently removed by her mum who breaks off from talking to a couple of other children.
This is the weekly meeting of Dorset Multiples, a West Dorset-based, parent-led help and support group for families blessed by twins, triplets and more.
It was founded by Caroline Pike who lives in Bridport with her husband Chris and two-year-old identical triplets William, Benjamin and Edward when she realised that practical and emotional support for multiple-birth families was pretty thin on the ground.
The group began over a year ago as an online forum on Facebook but before too long friends began to meet up in person and since then it has gone from strength to strength, with more than 64 members in West Dorset alone.
Caroline said: “Up until I fell pregnant, everything that happened in my adult life was through my choice. But this was so daunting I felt overwhelmed, I don’t think I could have got through it without the other mums.
“If the mum isn’t happy the babies won’t be happy and you need to be around people who are going through the same thing as you are. Here, no one is judgemental because everyone is in the same position and everyone gives help and support.”
As more women wait until they are older to start a family, many through IVF, so the number of multiple births is on the rise.
But despite the obvious, special delights of having more than one infant at home, many mums find that having twins, triplets or more can be an isolating experience.
With more than one newborn in the home, making and drinking a cup of coffee while it’s still warm is a moment of triumph. Applying a slick of lipstick before leaving the house is a lofty ambition that many multiple birth mums dream of but rarely gain; getting to the shops for a pint of milk an effort worthy of Olympic gold.
Sarah Bird lives in the village of Broadmayne near Dorchester with her husband John and their three children – three-year-old Tom and 15-month identical twins William and David, who were all born at home thanks to a ‘brilliant midwife’.
Every Monday morning she takes her tots to a Dorset Multiples gathering at Broadmayne Children’s Centre where the mums can chat and the children muck about in the safe, contained soft-play area.
“The group has helped me to stay sane,” she said. “When you find out you’re having a multiple birth you’re immediately told it’s a ‘high risk pregnancy’ and that’s the label you’re stuck with.
“I thought it was hard enough getting out of the house with one child – with more than one it’s impossible. With multiples it’s easier to stay at home but that just adds to your isolation.
"Going to Tesco for a pint of milk is impossible with twins because everyone seems to stop you for a chat. Sometimes I like just going out with my eldest because then I’m ‘just another’ mum. I feel invisible.”
Sarah started going to Dorset Multiples when she was four months’ pregnant to help her get used to the idea and now regularly offers help and advice to new mums.
“The other morning I hadn’t even got out of bed when I got a phone message through about a new mum of twins who was having problems breastfeeding,” she said. “I got on to it before I did anything else. We are here to support each other and it’s so valuable.”
Louise Smith comes to the group with her three-year-old daughters Grace and Faith. Like many newborn multiples, including Caroline’s sons, her girls had a tenuous start in life and were in hospital for more than three months after their birth.
“I didn’t know who to turn to when I had Grace and Faith, but this group has been such a help,” she said. “It’s wonderful being able to come here and talk to people who know exactly what you are going through and offer advice or even just someone to talk to. You realise that there is no one ‘right’ way of doing things, apart from the one that works best for you and makes your life easier.
“There is something very special about having a multiple birth; I love having twins and watching them play.”
All three mums say their husbands have been brilliantly supportive, especially through the darker days of infantile illness and post-natal stress. With thriving children in their lives and their men behind them at home, the confidence and support given by each other and the Dorset Multiples set up is the icing on the maternal cake.
“I remember being completely overwhelmed by the whole thing,” said Sarah.
“Then in the early days I went to a baby group in Dorchester and saw Caroline there with her three and she had make-up on. Make-up! And I made a promise to myself that one day I would be like her – and here we are!”
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