THIS IS the last column I will write before the general election.

I hope you’ll all go out to the polling booth, if only to scrawl ‘none of the above’ on the paper, which, if you feel that way, is a perfectly legitimate thing to do.

What’s not legitimate is not voting, not bothering to take ten minutes out to make your mark, deliver your message and participate in the kind of democracy that most countries in the world can only wish for.

Our system is not perfect but not voting will not make it more so - it will allow more of the shysters, chancers and vested interests - who include potty-mouthed, millionaire, 40-something comedians - to tighten their grip.

It’s a tough call this time around because each and every party has a policy I’d like to support.

I like David Cameron’s idea of a Euro referendum. I like UKIP’s pronouncements on building on brownfield sites. I like Ed Miliband’s proposals to do something about Generation Rent and the iniquitous bedroom tax. I like the Greens’ ideas about making us a fairer and more equal society. And although I despise him utterly for what he did to student tuition fees and hope he loses his seat, I like Nick Clegg’s idea of spending more on mental health care.

I’m guessing, give or take a policy, these are your views, too. Which makes me wonder if the mishmash we are going to be saddled with will be such a bad thing.

Instead of riding their hobby horses to death, if all the parties looked at their policies which were the most popular with the public - not just their supporters, they might actually find a way to improve this country.

Naturally they could also look at their most stupid policies, like the bedroom or mansion tax and decide to admit they were wrong.

Lots of readers are kind enough to write to this column and tell me I should run for parliament. It’s very sweet of you to say, but it would never work out because I can’t see them letting anyone like me have a go. I’m too normal.

The only thing that will change anything is if, instead of looking at the colour of the rosette, we look at the colour of the candidate’s character and decide on that and that alone whether this person should be allowed the privilege of representing us. And that is how I’ll be voting.

Help Nepal 

YES, the Nepal earthquake is horrendous and no one can undo the tragedy of all those lost lives, homes and dreams.

But once again we’ve dug deep to help this small, valiant and loyal nation get back on its feet. Our government sent £15 million and a contingent of Gurkhas and the estimable Disasters Emergency Committee has received £26 million IN JUST ONE WEEK from the Great British Public.

We always help, even countries which aren’t particularly friendly to us. The Nepalese are our friends and if you haven’t donated yet, remember that if the positions were reversed, they would willingly send money to you.

The website is dec.org.uk or you can pop down the bank!

Baltimore riots

When Toya Graham saw her son, Michael, 16, masked and about to join the Baltimore riots she went ballistic and the footage of her slapping some sense into him went viral.

‘Take that mask off!’ she roared, continuing to berate Michael until he did as he was told, explaining later that she was a ‘no tolerance’ mom.

I salute her and - when he’s old enough to think sensibly - so will silly Michael.

Quiz questions

BECAUSE I’m a sucker for quizzes I tried the one that purported to show if your brain is male or female but gave up halfway.

There’s a simple way to find out if you have the brain of a bloke or a woman.

If you truly believe that throwing your discarded underwear and socks at the closed lid of a laundry basket constitutes putting them inside it, then you have the brain of a bloke.

On the other hand, if you sincerely believe that your other half won’t notice that you have just acquired three more pairs of shoes, then you have a woman’s mind.

Vote for Claude

Lord Sugar has recruited the frankly terrifying Claude Littner to be his next assistant, replacing the retired Nick Hewer.

Shame. With his talent for upbraiding the useless, putting the fear of God into the incompetent and generally not letting the grass grow anywhere near his feet, Littner would be my choice for our next PM.

Well done Cherries!

And so to the Mighty Cherries although I can’t add anything to the pile of plaudits rightly heaped upon them. What else is there to say except that they have proved that dreams do come true and that hard work and focussing on the job has finally paid off?

They deserve every second of their success. And so do their occasionally long-suffering, loyal, besotted fans. For once the new football season can’t come quickly enough!