IN space, no-one can hear you scream. So, in Aliens Vs Predator - Requiem, two of the big screen's most feared extra-terrestrial killing machines descend on American suburbia, where the blood-curdling cries can be heard for miles.

The flimsy logic begins and ends there in this low-concept sequel, directed by the Brothers Strause (aka visual effects wizards Colin and Greg).

Crudely bridging the narrative divide between Predator 2 and the original Alien, Requiem curls its lip in disdain at the two-dimensional humans, whose sole purpose is to suffer the most sadistic demise imaginable.

Thus, a ward full of expectant mothers are terrorised by a Predalien (the hideous offspring of an Alien incubated inside a Predator) and a young boy witnesses a creature erupt from his father's chest shortly before he suffers the same grisly fate.

Several factors determine a character's survival: the amount of screen time devoted to their back story (insufficient or none), the presence of a loved one who can be slain in their place, the companionship of a small child or dog, and the length of their Christian name (the shorter the better).

Anyone who whimpers "We're not gonna make it, are we?" is clearly a goner, as are those bedraggled survivors who separate themselves from the rest of the group and stand forlornly in an open doorway or corridor, where one of the pernicious beasties can pick them off with ease.

The bloodletting begins in earnest when a spaceship containing the Predalien and some face-huggers crash-lands close to the town of Gunnison in central Colorado.

Sheriff Eddie Morales (John Ortiz) struggles to maintain control of the situation, aided by ballsy soldier Kelly (Reiko Aylesworth), who has just returned from a tour of duty in Iraq, quick-thinking ex-con Dallas (Steven Pasquale) and his brother Ricky (Johnny Lewis).

Thankfully, a hunter Predator is despatched to earth to clear up the rapidly multiplying infestation of Aliens, and slay the pernicious hybrid.

Dialogue is laughable whether intentional, like the woman who screeches "You're crazy. The government doesn't lie to us!", or the meathead heroes who state the obvious.

The stupidity of mankind never ceases to amaze, like the National Guard commander who, inexplicably, opens the hatch to his armoured tank in the heat of battle and emerges into the slavering jaws of an Alien.

We don't care a jot for any of the residents of Gunnison - nuke the lot of em.

  • See it at the Odeon and Empire.