FOLLOWING the spectacular success of Beijing's Olympics opening ceremony (no, I didn't see it either, but by all accounts it was pretty good), work is already under way on the curtain-raiser for London 2012.

Teams of Morris dancers are whittling their sticks and polishing their bells, itching to leap into action.

Seamstresses are hard at work on "wacky" costumes, like oversized Union Jack baseball caps and John Bull socks and sandals, to be worn by literally dozens of between-jobs actors. Volunteers, meanwhile, will sport T-shirts designed by Tracey Emin with friendly slogans such as "Oo you lookin' at?!" and"Yeah, whatever".

Schoolchildren are practising their synchronised routine, which, when seen from the Bloggs Beer Blimp, will spell out "Wellcom too Lundon" - assuming they can be bothered to turn up on the big day.

Transport workers will be meeting to discuss strike action, and sponsors are looking at ways of maximising sales opportunities for their fast food and fizzy drinks - er, "grow their brands".

Some big names will have thrown their hats into the ring to belt out the National Anthem (which no one will hear because the microphone will inevitably conk out at the vital moment) the contest between Bonnie Tyler, Jane McDonald and Cilla Black promises to be just as exciting as the showdown between shot-putters from the former Soviet bloc.

BBC newsreader Huw Evans, who allegedly didn't cover himself in glory in China, is probably putting in literally minutes of research on his pronunciation and athletes' support teams will be devising ever more devious means of disguising their charges' prodigious drug intakes.

That's right, the next four years will simply fly by - but not as fast as some of the chemically-enhanced sprinters.