KATHRYN Morley-Towner smiles when she thinks of her two baby boys together at last.
Pictures of sweet-natured Jake, who died in November 2006, and mischievous Toby, who passed away on August 16 this year, are dotted around the living room.
"I believe that there is a heaven, and that they're there," says Kathryn.
She and her husband Paul were devastated two years ago when they discovered that Jake had type one spinal muscular atrophy, a rare genetic condition affecting the nerve cells of the spinal cord and brain, causing progressive muscle weakness. Eight out of 10 babies with the condition die within the first year.
Until then, the couple - who'd had two healthy children together - had not known they were both carriers of a faulty gene that gave their babies a one in four chance of being born with SMA.
Jake only lived for nine weeks after his diagnosis, spending his final days at home with his family in Canford Heath, Poole. Two days after an early Christmas celebration, he took his last breath in his mother's arms. He was seven months old.
A month after Jake's funeral, Kathryn became pregnant again.
"It wasn't anticipated or expected," she said. When a test at three months revealed the new baby also had SMA, the couple were offered a termination.
"We were both gutted, but it was a joint decision to go through with the pregnancy," said Paul. "We were open and honest with the children. I said: Mummy can have an operation that would mean he wouldn't be born'. They said: We want to meet him'."
Kathryn said: "Either way he was going to die, whether I chose for it to happen there and then and lived with regret, or after getting to know him and giving him the opportunity of life, happiness and love."
This time around, the couple were better prepared. They had specialist equipment to keep Toby out of hospital as much as possible and support from Julia's House and Clinovia, which provided home care.
Kathryn recalled: "Jake was laid back, very placid and always happy. Toby was lovely, but in a completely different way. He had perfect timing and a wicked sense of humour. He loved singing and dancing and could do the actions to Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.
Toby died in his parents' arms at Poole Hospital just two weeks before his first birthday while the other children Josh, 10, Anna, six, and Matthew, five, played nearby.
"He fought for the last three days, but he just ran out of energy," said Kathryn. "I would love to walk in and kiss his chubby cheeks and play with the curls in his hair, but it would be selfish to wish him back again.
"I have just lived for Toby over the last 11-and-a-half months. I miss him like crazy, but at the same time I can go out and not have to worry about him. It is a release. It's hard losing two children, but you know they're at peace now."
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