DEPRESSING, isn’t it? Just when you thought the recession had doomed you to a future of mind-numbing poverty, we discover there may not be a future after all.

See, swine flu is about to sweep the world in a major pandemic, and aren’t the experts and international media outlets excited?

You can’t help feeling that the 24-hour news channels have been desperate for something like this, if only so they can stop talking to economists who don’t really know what’s going on.

Watching news bulletins these days makes me wonder if they wouldn’t be better served by simply filming a man walking around with one of those “The End Is Nigh” sandwich boards.

Now, an old hack like myself knows the value of bad news, and I’m certainly not out to make light of a disease that so far has killed a suspected 169 people.

But the simple truth is, after Sars, and bird flu, I’m all panicked out.

Symptoms of swine flu include fever, cough, sore throat, body aches, chills and fatigue. I’m 41 years old. I get all that on a good day.

If I find a large black bubon under my arm, then I’ll panic. If I get a sore throat I’ll pop a fruit pastille and soldier on. Or at least laze around on the sofa and get my wife to look after me.

Part of the problem is the name. Like its avian predecessor, swine flu just doesn’t sound very dangerous.

Tell me that Acapulco Plague or Mexican Fatality Fever is on the way, and I’ll retreat to my bunker in a hazmat suit right away.

The other problem is that, after watching the BBC’s Survivors, a swift death in my sleep from feverish germs looks preferable to the alternative, ie sharing a house with a depressed Scottish woman who keeps bleating on about her missing son.

Of course, one thing that series does teach us is that, in some sort of Murphy’s Law of Contagion, hardly anyone who survives will have any useful skills whatsoever.

Which is bad news for doctors, farmers and engineers.

But good news for bankers, politicians, and reality TV stars.

And yet another reason for a journalist like me not to panic.

I’M STILL madly fundraising for my charity trek to Machu Picchu in aid of Scope (see the blog at bournemouthecho.co.uk/news/blogs/ machuman/).

And as part of the efforts, I’m holding a Quiz Night on Saturday, June 13 at the Poulner Scout Hall, near Ringwood.

It’s £3 per person (ideally in teams of four), so if you’re interested, email me at andrew.chappell@ bournemouthecho.co.uk to book your place.

While I’m on the subject, I’m still looking for a bit of corporate sponsorship to fill the coffers, so if any firms out there would like to help for nothing more than the warm glow of helping the needy and a gushing mention in forthcoming columns, let me know!