NATURE conservationists should hire me. If they want to protect a species, send me to find it. I can guarantee it will remain unseen.

I am a man who has been whale-watching off Newfoundland and didn’t even see a tiddler.

I’ve lived in Dorset for decades and have never seen a red squirrel, Dartford warbler, sand lizard or early spider orchid. Yes, even the plants seem to scuttle into hiding when they hear me coming.

And I’ve stood at Purbeck’s Durlston Head for hours scanning the sea for a hint of a puffin or a dolphin. Not a squint of a beak or flipper.

But even if you never see a dolphin yourself, there’s a reflex that automatically exercises your smiling muscles when you hear that some have been spotted off our coast. Sixteen have been seen this week off Mudeford and, though you may be a human scarecrow like me, when it comes to enjoying fascinating wildlife, just a photo is enough to make you feel on top of the world.

Today eco-tourism is big business across the world. Even Cornwall is trying to attract visitors right now to see the basking sharks.

But, though we have some fine flora and fauna, it is pleasing that Dorset doesn’t bang the drum too loudly to lure a noisy throng down here to disturb our shy wildlife.

Mind you, just once I’d like to see a real-life dolphin off Dorset. But where should I go? An eco-wise colleague has been helpful.

“There’s a good place in Poole called the Dolphin Centre,” he’s suggested.

“You might spot one there… if you stand perfectly still and are very, very quiet.”