Thursday July 23, 2009: I phoned my ex last night. I just keep coming back to it. I know we’ve had no contact for 10 years but he was such an important part of my early life it feels wrong that he doesn’t know.

So …. I got his number off 192.com – that felt a bit stalkerish! I found two possible numbers and the one I rang was his.

He was out so I spoke to his new wife. It was all really weird but she was lovely. They hadn’t heard my news and she said I was right to call.

They have a two-year-old daughter and I told her about Kev and my girls. She said she’d get him to call me back.

He phoned this afternoon, it was so odd talking to him but really nice too. His daughter is called Megan – how crazy it that!

We had a good chat. I told him what had happened with me and also let him know what’s been going on with the old gang who I still see.

He hadn’t heard about Charlotte’s death either, so telling him that made me feel bad. He must have come away from the conversation feeling pretty low.

Anyway, so glad I did it. Feels like a weight has been lifted. I know I did the right thing.

Felt very emotional after the call last night. Happy that he has settled with a family but just very emotional.

Phoned Cathy in tears and she came over with wine and chocolate and stayed the night. Bless her. I’m so lucky.

Rik and Gemma came round this evening for a takeaway. It was lovely to see them and nice to relax without the kids charging around.

I find it a bit hard with them being nurses. They ask loads of questions about my condition, my medication, my pain etc and sometimes I don’t know the answers.

I feel like I should know and if I don’t I should ask my doctors but I don’t always think of the right questions.

I know they are looking out for my interests and I totally appreciate that and am very grateful but I do feel a bit of a numpty sometimes.

Nikki is letting us publish this journal to raise awareness and funds for Cancer Research. She's set a target of £1,000. To donate, click the logo below