I got my scan results today and am left feeling mixed up and confused.

Of course I'm thrilled, absolutely over the moon that my cancer has remained stable and the Herceptin is continuing to work.

However I can't help have the awful feeling that I'm still living in limbo. The cancer is still there, it's still in my liver and won't ever go away. It's still going to kill me - but who knows when.

I worry that the longer I keep being sent away the harder it will be to accept the bad news when it does come - as it certainly will at some point.

I still have pain in my shoulder that has never really gone away - I had a couple of x-rays yesterday after seeing the doctor to see if they can see the cause. Also my hip has been niggling again. If all is fine why am I getting this pain?

You read these stories about things being missed, and then I just feel paranoid - but I do have pain. I'm scared people will think I'm imagining it. This should be a time of happiness & celebration and I just can't quite get there.