Wow - what a rollercoaster couple of weeks. Eurodisney was fantastic, we had such an amazing time. The girls absolutely loved it - they were so caught up in the magic of it all.

We had a day trip to Paris too, the girls and I went up the Eiffel Tower (2nd observation level) which was spectacular and something I never thought I'd do.

It's funny how my fear of heights has vanished since my diagnosis - it's like logic has kicked in & I know it was irrational & therefore can't harm me.

I felt so proud and so pleased I hadn't allow myself to miss out. Kev couldn't do it because his palms started to sweat as soon as he saw the tower!

A shame he missed the experience but I think it was extra special being a girlie thing.

The holiday was so special and I feel grateful and humbled by the amount of hard work and kindness that went into raising the money to send us.

It's weird being on the receiving end of charity but for this I understand that it was important to accept because so many people wanted to do something in a situation where they feel helpless, there was no way we could have afforded to do it on our own and it was important to give the girls something so special before things get worse.

Things getting worse - we timed the holiday perfectly because I got my scan results last Thursday and I now have several enlarged lymph nodes especially in my abdomen.

The liver is still stable which is a positive thing but this progression means I will have to stop Herceptin and try something else.

Dr Hickish wants me to take part in a drug trial. He gave me lots of information to read and told me to go away & think about it.

I had 4 days before another appointment with the Consultant Nurse, over the weekend I read & researched the drugs and spoke to my Macmillan nurse, there was so much to take in & it really didn't make much sense to me.

By my appointment on Tuesday I understood that as part of the trial I will either be prescribed Capecitabine plus Lapatinib or T-DM1.

They are both a chemotherapy drug combined with a Herceptin type drug. If I refuse the trial all I would get is Capecitabine on it's own. So it's a no brainer really.

I have to have several scans to make sure I'm fit enough for the drugs - pretty ironic really but they need to check my heart is strong enough and they need to do more indepth bone scans because that is where most of my cancer is and a brain scan because brain mets are common with breast cancer but so far would seem I've been lucky there.

I guess they need to know exactly what they are up against. CT scans are only effective on certain areas of the body.

I will be on treatment now for the rest of my life - these new drugs until there is progression or the side effects become too unbearable and then they will try something else - I guess until the cancer becomes uncontrollable or I get fed up of treatment - not something I'm prepared to consider at this stage - or ever to be honest.

It's a pretty depressing thought but I have to look at it as a friend described as a healing agent that is making my life liveable - it would be a waste of time & precious NHS resources to mope around waiting to die.

I have filled the past 9 months with fun and excitement so let's do the same until I actually start to feel ill rather than just uncomfortable.