I had a CT scan last Friday and got the results on Tuesday. I now have 69 per cent less cancer in my body than I did in February, how can that be possible?

The doctors are amazed and say mine are some of the best results they've ever seen at Bournemouth. I'm just overwhelmed & confused.

If three doses of a drug can make such a significant difference why can't a few more doses cure me? It doesn't work like that, this just means I have more time, no idea how much more but more time nonetheless.

Leah has asked me if she can do the Race for Life with me this year.

I'm thrilled and have registered her & set up her sponsorship page   raceforlifesponsorme.org/leahhastings .

I sent the link to most of my email address book & she has already raised £150 - I'm so proud & thrilled, my results just prove how crucial it is that research is able to continue into new drugs.

This new drug I'm on looks like it could be pretty significant and it's the work of CRUK & other similar charities that make these new developments possible. Ok plug over.

It's been 'motivate Nikki' week, my legs are aching with all their extra use!

At least I should start losing a bit of weight, I'm walking loads at the moment - just doing the school run should make me fitter and as I said to Leah's teacher today - I have been given more time - the extra time has got to be about the girls, making memories of everyday life happy & precious for them to look back on.

I can't keep distancing myself from them, it doesn't take the pain away and it will only hurt them - full on Mummy from now on, health permitting.

Why is it all or nothing with me?

I know it's a good thing that this chemo is working but I'm just not feeling it yet.

I feel confused, they keep moving the goalposts, I don't know what my future holds.

People say to me that really I'm no different to anyone, none of us know when our time is up, any one of us could be hit by a bus tomorrow - but that's just not true, most people live with the expectation of growing old, they don't expect to die anytime soon even though in the back of their minds they know it could happen.

In my case I know that I do have a time limit - I just don't know what it is. I know that one day they will tell me again that the treatment is no longer working and I will have to try something else & hope that works - that is how it's going to be.

The doctors at the hospital tell me to carry on life as normally as possible - how can I when I have hospital appointments every week - next week I'll be at the hospital on 3 different days - how can I lead a normal life around that?

I can never get away from the fact that I have cancer, and that cancer will kill me eventually. I can fight as hard as I like but I will never beat it.

I just have to learn to make the most of the time I have, to enjoy it for myself and for my family & friends, otherwise the cancer wins and I can't let that happen.

You can sign up to take part in Race for Life yourself at bournemouthecho.co.uk/raceforlife