We went out on Saturday evening and I bumped into a friend I've not seen for about a year. We had lots to catch up on, we laughed about how lucky I am to be retired from work, we joked about my leisurely lifestyle and how 'it's alright for some' that I'm off on holiday again next week. Not once did we mention the tedious and often traumatic hospital visits, we didn't talk about the way I have to treasure every happy moment with the girls or how I sometimes lie in bed at night worrying how they will cope growing up without me.

I've also noticed the way friends and family have taken to telling me how lucky I am that the treatment is working so well, how fantastic it is that I'm able to enjoy so much more than we imagined when I was diagnosed.

It's interesting the way other people interpret my situation so that it's easier for them to deal with. Yes, my life does appear to be one long holiday - but I can tell you now, without a moments hesitation that I would give it all up in a second if I could have my health back. I have to live everyday with the expectation that my life will be shorter than it should be.

Yes, it is fantastic that I'm doing better than we thought I would when I was diagnosed but it isn't fantastic that I have to got to the hospital at least once a week for blood tests, every 3 weeks I have to have poison pumped into me just to keep a bad situation under control. It's great that I no longer have to worry about work but it's not great that at 36 years of age I've been retired because it has been deemed unlikely that I will ever be capable of working again.

I come away from conversations like the one I had on Saturday feeling like a fraud for having such a 'wonderful' life and I don't want to harp on about the negatives all the time but I do wish people would be a bit more empathetic and realise what they are saying - because although I know my situation could be a lot worse it is also far from 'lucky'.

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