Thursday 13th January 2011: I try to keep these blog entries upbeat & cheerful, I don't want people to think I'm a misery, I want to try to encourage others to stay cheerful and I believe that positive thinking is helpful in my battle - however I also want this blog to be realistic and representative of what living with cancer is like, and sometimes it is bloody horrible.

This week I found out that I should have been having CT scans every six weeks instead of the every twelve weeks that I have been having them. I feel absolutely devastated about this, I can't explain why I feel so upset but I do.

Until now I have 'enjoyed' the freedom the scans have given me. I have a scan, get the results (which apart from once have always been good) and then I get on with my life, make plans etc for the next ten weeks before the next scan looms.

I know I have to have treatment in that time but I can live with the knowledge that I have a fairly decent chunk of time before I am likely to get any bad news (because I always know that it may be bad news). Now I have to have the scans every six weeks I'm not going to get that chunk of time, as soon as one scan is out of the way & I've had the results the next appointment will be imminent.

I try to take any little set backs in my stride, these things can't be helped & in the big scheme of things it really isn't a big deal but I am not dealing with this news very well at all.

The other issue that it's raised is how on earth has the oversight happened? I have been on this trial for a year next month and it has only just been noticed that I've been having half the number of scans I should have been. I find that really quite worrying.

I know when I have accepted this new situation and got used to the new routine I will be able to look on the bright side and know that at least now they are totally on top of things and as soon as there's even the slightest change in my condition it will be picked up and dealt with immediately - but I'm not quite there yet.

I'm not sure if it's appropriate to express a political opinion in this blog but I don't feel I can write an entry at this time without commenting on the hike in car parking prices and the decision to begin charging disabled drivers at Bournemouth Hospital.

I appreciate the fact that money needs to be raised to make any improvements and with budgetary cuts happening across the board it's an obvious source of revenue but the for people like me who have to attend the hospital so often it does feel really harsh.

It would have cost me nearly £10 this week, another £5 next week, it's a lot of money that some people will really struggle to find, maybe they should consider some sort of season ticket for patients who have to attend so frequently?

So not a fantastic start to the new year but we've booked another holiday in Weymouth for June, I've got the CRUK Pink Ball in March, having things like that to look forward to makes the rubbish stuff easier so it's not all bad.

Happy New Year x