IN the pre-tech dark age, I had to queue to pay a fine.

The man behind me said, as you do: “What have they done you for?”

I said “Speeding”. He said “I kicked in a plate glass window.

“Of course, I was drunk at the time.”

We were doing quite well bonding, and he invited me to a ‘rave’.

Instead, I applied to join the bench and when asked if I had any particular hates, I cited cruelty to children and crimes arising from drunkenness.

Shock horror.

“But they represent 95 per cent of our cases.”

At which I asked if they didn’t think that perhaps their tolerant policies were not working.

Instant end and rejection.

They must be run off their feet now, but if the police spent more time curbing the present lawlessness of our ‘broken’ society and the courts on effective deterrents, instead of blundering about causing untold grief and havoc in the lives of the law-abiding few, who are obliged to pay them for the privilege, the disaffected might get the message.

I won’t hold my breath.

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